Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

I want to be more open with my mental health in hopes that it could start a conversation and create a support system.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) when I was around 10-years-old. GAD is where your anxiety is triggered by multiple circumstances. Not just one or two. I've cancelled plans because of this disorder. There's times when I'm too afraid to leave my own house.

I always have this fear that people don't like me or find me annoying. Even though I know that's probably unlikely. I try so hard to make everyone else feel appreciated that I sometimes forget that I need to do the same with myself.

I've been in cold sweats and my heart would beat at a rapid pace when talking to people and I feel like I'm coming off as annoying.

I'm better now but I still have these issues, just not as bad as they were when I was a kid. I hate being told by people to "just chill" or "get over it" because it's not that easy. Telling someone with anxiety stuff like that won't change anything. It just makes them feel worse.

My thoughts could suddenly roam to something I said five years ago and I would get a panic attack just because I thought it was stupid of me to say and that I wished I said something else instead.

Living with GAD is like being in an endless battle with yourself and everything around you. Having this endless feeling that the world is out to get you.

Though I'm a writer and TikToker, I have trouble taking criticism and hate without going into a severe panic attack. I try to do what I love and enjoy but when it comes to those things, it sets me off. Making me feel like I'll never amount to anything. When I published my first book on Amazon, the number one thing I was afraid of was the hate reviews I could receive and it took so much courage and determination from family and friends to get me to publish it officially.

Anxiety is not a joke and millions suffer with it each day. Mine just formed one day without any reason and has been with me for over a decade. Some people don't suffer this long or don't get it as early in life as I did. With others, it could come from stress with school or work. With people like me, it comes before I even have a chance to be stressed about that stuff. Anxiety can't be stopped just because another person tells you to stop having anxiety and chill. It took me medication after medication to try and control it better. And they just prescribed me this strong medication that I can only take half an hour before an event that could trigger anxiety. We had to test it because of the side effects. One day, we tried giving me only one tablet. The next we tried two. Two tablets gave me more side effects than just having one. When I take them, I can't feel an anxiety attack but somehow I know it's happening. But I become numb to it and more calm. This medication is extremely strong which is why I can't take it on a daily basis like my other medications.

Living with anxiety- especially GAD- really sucks but the only thing I can do is try and control it. I can't control that my mind would instantly run to the worst conclusion but I can keep myself in touch with reality. Others usually can't talk me down from a panic attack but I can talk myself into reality.

No matter what, NEVER tell people to "chill out" or "get over yourself." I've been told these and they just worsen the panic attack I'm having. Try to step into a person with anxiety's shoes and try to see the world through their perspective. It sucks. It's dark. And it's a living hell. If you can't step into the shoes of someone with anxiety, there's multiple sites that explain it better than I can.

Mental health is not a choice and should NEVER be taken as a joke. It's like a war with yourself. Having anxiety is one thing and having depression is another but having both is like hell. I've experienced both at the same time and it is the worst you can feel. So, before you whisper, mocking mental illness, or shrug it off, just remember, it's not the same with everyone else. It's not a joke and shouldn't be shrugged off as such.

I hope others with anxiety are open to conversation and maybe talking with others who suffer though the same struggles could help you come to terms that YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.